Over the last two weeks, I have been really struggling, not in a good place at all. I have felt very angry and I have been very emotional, the text from our pregnant friends sent me over the edge. I end up feeling extremely guilty as it is my husband who is infertile and he is being strong for me, when I am sure he is feeling really quite helpless and unhappy himself. He says he is worried for me to go through the treatment, but if the end result is a little one of us, I couldn't be happier, I love him very much.
So last night we had our appointment at the hosptial where they scanned me and checked my fallopian tubes. Everything was all good for me, I had been worrying about going into early menopause, but luckily there is no sign of that and I am ovulating strongly. When we were told the only option was IVF with ICSI, I cried, a wierd reaction, didn't know what the emotion is that I was feeling.
6 cycles will be granted to us on the NHS which is just wonderful, I feel so happy and lucky to be able to have this done.
My mood has shifted this morning and I feel more positive. I am now thinking about having a baby again. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. For quite a while I had been trying to imagine how life would be without a child and I couldn't do it, it had all become rather bleak. But now..I am going to hold on that just maybe, we may have a baby or be pregnant by next christmas.
I am holding on to that and bringing back by positive visulisations!
Now off to cook that birthday dinner..friends coming over tonight.
x
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