Tuesday 16 November 2010

Referral to the clinic

Over the last two weeks, I have been really struggling, not in a good place at all. I have felt very angry and I have been very emotional, the text from our pregnant friends sent me over the edge. I end up feeling extremely guilty as it is my husband who is infertile and he is being strong for me, when I am sure he is feeling really quite helpless and unhappy himself. He says he is worried for me to go through the treatment, but if the end result is a little one of us, I couldn't be happier, I love him very much.

So last night we had our appointment at the hosptial where they scanned me and checked my fallopian tubes. Everything was all good for me, I had been worrying about going into early menopause, but luckily there is no sign of that and I am ovulating strongly. When we were told the only option was IVF with ICSI, I cried, a wierd reaction, didn't know what the emotion is that I was feeling.

6 cycles will be granted to us on the NHS which is just wonderful, I feel so happy and lucky to be able to have this done.

My mood has shifted this morning and I feel more positive. I am now thinking about having a baby again. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. For quite a while I had been trying to imagine how life would be without a child and I couldn't do it, it had all become rather bleak. But now..I am going to hold on that just maybe, we may have a baby or be pregnant by next christmas.

I am holding on to that and bringing back by positive visulisations!

Now off to cook that birthday dinner..friends coming over tonight.

x

Monday 8 November 2010

I thought I would start writing a blog as I am sure I am driving my husband to distraction with my constant questions, ideas, moods and telling him everything I read or think about with regards to having a baby or rather IVF.

I have a good friend who is going through it at the moment too, but we are at very different stages, she has completed one cycle, sadly unsuccessful and we are still waiting for our appointment with the consultant.

My emotions are all over the place, one minute feeling hopeful and imagining have a baby and the next moment bleak, sometimes lying awake at night wondering what life would be like without a child, this leaves me raw.

So I am here to share with you what is happening and to hear your comments and suggestions. I know this will be a long and painful journey but I am sure many enlightening and happy moments along the way.

Today my period arrived...I was ever hopeful that just one of those little critters might have got through and met my egg which I felt being released..